My Dearest Ladies and Gentlemen, On this day, the thirteenth of March in the year two thousand and eight of our good Lord, one day shy of a fortnight into this month, I write to you with the utmost exciting news. It is news so powerful that I will forgo my usual extraneous similes in attempts to bring you the facts more quickly: like a fox pursued by huntsman on horseback to a covert, a beautiful beauty has decided to court me through her electronic letters sent to the Space[that is]Mine. I have included her lovely dotings below:
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Dori
Date: Mar 4, 2008 6:52 AM
Hey sunshine!
I recently broke up (9 months ago) and am ready to date once again but I'm not looking for a serious relationship though, it's too soon. A little about me: I'm adventurous, outgoing and open-minded. I'm good-looking and healthy. I like going out but also dont mind snuggling! If you make me laugh, you're half way into my heart. I was browsing the site; my best-friend. After figuring out how things worked I came across your profile. I'm interested! I hope you're not shy and that you'll respond. Please dont reply directly though, this is really not my profile, I'm just borrowing it. Send your reply to my real Email address instead: w_kate_dominguez@yahoo..
Have a nice day!
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Perhaps, nay, perchance she would like to be my patron. Being a small troupe of actors we could surely benefit from the stability that such a honest woman as Dori would provide through her integrity and potential wealth! I was touched by her words, which flowed from her pen as a sailor teems with syphilis. I couldn't ignore someone so pure and so honest, so I wrote to the doting Dori with the finest words any poet hath writ:
----------------- Replied Message -----------------
From: William
Date: Mar 6, 2008 7:00 PM
Hi Dori,
To tell you a little about myself. My name is Bill and I'm British (I hope you like accents). I was in a relationship too at one point, but I haven't seen her for some time now. I am a writer and actor - perhaps you have read some of my stuff? I like to think that I am good looking and healthy too (heck I don't know who else would able to go drink for drink with me when it comes to mead in the alehouse). I can certainly make you laugh, although people say that I'm a bit dramatic at times - take it for what you will (at least I'm not emo). Besides, crying is like laughing with lubrication. If you'd like to court, or perhaps be one of my muses please let me know.
Yours in good waiting,
B. Shakespeare
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