Lords and Ladies of the Theatre (note that the "re" makes us sound British, and therefore smart),
Allow me the greateste pleasure to announce that we have procured the man known as the Bard of Avon, England's national poet, Willy Shakes, That Dude Who Wrote All Those Plays, or simply Bill to his friends: William Shakespeare.
Bill has agreed to help out with our production of all 37 of his plays by acting as our Artistic Advisor for the duration of the project, as well as agreeing to keep an online journal of writing that he will update (probably infrequently), here, along with our own musings (also infrequent), about the production and other random thoughts we come up with as they meander through our generally vacant minds.
We are fairly certain that no other troupe, or gathering of actors, has ever had the benefit of actually working with Shakespeare in over 400 years, including Kenneth Branagh (although he does act like it on occassion - and, of course, by "occasion" we mean "all the time"). In any case, we are thrilled to have him on board, and we are looking forward to a great production. Ladies and Gentlemen, without further adieu, No Jacket Required is proud to introduce, Mr. William Shakespeare!
Thank you, you are too kind. Lords and Ladies, grant me your ears, I come not to boast, but to be boasted about. My name is William Shakespeare, son of John Shakespeare, and I have agreed to write a daily electronic correspondence, a web log if you will, about the trials and tribulations of a burgeoning theater group who I have decided to lend a helping hand as they produce my shows. This "blog" is nothing more than a vehicle for my pen to reach the masses and restore the illustrious reputation that theatre once held before Hollywood and Dan Brown ruined the written word.
Boy oh boy does it feel good to be out of that tomb! I'm all for napping, but that was getting a little ridiculous, not to mention the smell was starting to become something terrible, like a frat boy's house the morning after rush weekend. Anyhooo, before we begin, there have been some vicious rumors flying around that I would like to set straight and, you know, clear the air:
1. I am not dead - I have just been in nearly-dead, incapacitated state for the last 392 years.
2. Unlike some bombastic academic professors would have you think, I wrote all of my plays - that's why they say "BY William Shakespeare." If I hadn't have written them they would've said "NOT BY William Shakespeare" or "BY SOMEONE ELSE WHO ISN'T SHAKESPEARE." The proof is in the pudding, as they say. I can't help it that their careers are based on coming up with implausible theories because there is nothing new to say. Here's an idea: write something worth reading like I did. They're like little spoiled rich kids, slowly squandering the wealth their fathers created before them. From now on "Professors" will be referred to as "Paris Hiltons." Ipso facto, they're wrong.
3. Professors do not have a sense of humor and will take offense to number two.
4. Poetry is manly - which is why it is even more manly to write poems about men and their manliness.
5. I was high when I wrote the Tempest, so don't try to read into it too much.
6. I really don't like it when you try to use my shows for social commentary and set them in ridiculous scenarios. Please, stop.
7. Contrary to popular opinion, Queen Lizzy was a babe.
8. Richard Burbage is a twat.
My dear readers, I feel much better about clearing those things up, and there are many things that I need to catch up on and require my attention, like if France is still a country. In any case, I will be corresponding again shortly. Adieu.
~B. Shakespeare
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